In Parshas Chukas when G-d instructs Moses that Aharon is going to die and be buried on Mt Hor, Rashi makes the following comment based on the Midrash:

23. The Lord said to Moses and Aaron at Mount Hor, on the border of the land of Edom, saying,

on the border of the land of Edom This teaches that because they associated themselves in a close relationship with the wicked Esau, a breach was made in their accomplishments, and they lost this righteous man. Similarly, the prophet said to Jehoshaphat, “When you joined up with Ahaziahu, God has breached your accomplishments” (II Chron. 20: 37). - [Midrash Tanchuma Chukath 14, Num. Rabbah 19:16]

We see here that because they attempted to "mitchaber" with Edom that as a result Aharon died before his time.

There are two obvious questions here:

1. What did they do wrong? They wanted to get to EY as fast as possible and if they were permitted to pass through the land of Edom it would have significantly shortened their journey. In addition Moshe also sent messengers to Moab and Sichon and asked for safe passage through THEIR land. We see no criticism or punishment for doing so. (The only explanation I could think of is that Moshe started off calling Edom "achim" to Am Yisrael and spoke to them with arichus and as if they were old friends. The negotiations with Moab and Sichon were concise and to the point without trying to bank on any familial relationship. Mayam Loaz said they same thing, and offers another explanation that Moshe should not have asked Edom to pass because if they said no, since we had an explicit commandment not to fight Edom it would make a Chillul Hashem, that Am Yisrael was seemingly afraid of a confrontation and backed down due to their threats.

2. What are the implications and practical lessons for us? We see that trying to be mitchaber to rashayim (and the proof text quoted is an example of being mitchaber with wayward JEWISH rashayim) leads to tragedy, and we see that even a friendly request, kind speech, or activities for the sake of "achdus" and common goals can lead to divine punishment. How does this fit in with the common world view which allows and encourages "interfaith meetings" and working together with groups that are the opposite of Torah observant (Jews and non Jews) when we have common goals? Does this mean that Jews have to in essence be an isolated people, and not have anything to do with our "wicked" neighbors? What about our wicked brothers?

fwiw, the leket bahir says it was the offer to do business with them (which makes sense in light of the pasuk rashi quotes from divrei hayamim).

2 comments,

1. They also offered to do business with Moab and Sichon, in fact Moab is criticized for NOT greeting us with food water when we came.

2. Many midrashim etc learn from the offer to buy food even though they had ample provisions to be a praiseworthy behavior.

no they didn't.
in fact, the chumash doesn't recount any request to moav at all; we only know about that from shoftim (11:17) and an insinuation or two in sefer devarim (see rashi on bamidbar 21:13). in the case of sichon, the wording of the request is quite different from that to edom - compare bamidbar 20:19 to 21:22.

what does that have to do with b'nei yisrael's offer to do business (or the lack thereof)?

Do you still have this shver?

mosheshmeal
.

I don't know, I already put my Chumash Bamidbar away.......