For me it was and still is.

Even if she's just "willing to make Aliyah" but not "wanting to make Aliyah" it's a turn off, because making Aliyah is not like moving from Monsey to Teaneck. It requires a lot of sacrifices. And if you aren't 100% commited - willing to give it everything you have - you will fail. And frankly I don't want to feel like she's doing me a favor by making Aliyah.

Is that so crazy?

No.

Is it a proper exchange? Is it worth it to give up on someone who could potentially be your bashert in exchange for yishuv EY?

I used to think so, but it is not an ABSOLUTE dealbreaker for me anymore....

Well obviously Hashem has made my Bashert feel as strongly for Eretz Yisrael as I do... otherwise why would he make me feel this strongly for Eretz Yisrael?

This is bauerskates, and I approve of this comment!

No, if my memory serves me correctly it would be moving from Teaneck to Monsey. Never mind the Yiddishkeit aspect; IIRC Monsey is north of Teaneck.

i think not considering someone who is willing to move to israel a little extreme. i can understand that living in israel is important to you and that it's unreasonable to spend time dating someone who wants to live elsewhere, but if someone is willing to move if they find the right guy then they should at least be given a chance.

you don't know how strong her connection is to israel or what her condition is for moving (i.e., will only move if i'm married so that i don't have to live there alone without any family), or her circumstances (i.e., can't afford to move). i think "willing" should be considered.

I think it's sad how some people take the idea of basheret to an extreme. I don't think basheret means that your 2 brains work the same way.

Of course not. But it does mean G-d set the stage for you two to be perfectly* compatible.

*perfectly enough for marriage.

What does it mean?

Marriage is something that needs to be worked on. I think the idea that it is a natural occurance and that G-d has created perfectly compatible souls is a dangerous concept.

The concept of a soulmate is a dangerous concept?

Wow...aren't you the romantic?

It has nothing to do about being romantic. I'm just saying that I don't think any marriage is perfect in that it fits right in to place without any concessions/ comprimises. I do believe people are made for each other. But I also think that they have the capability to mess it up if they are either unwilling to comprimise or with other types of destructive behavior

Okay. I agree with that. But as long as you grant there is a part of each of them that is who they are and won't change nor should be expected to...some people call that the soul.

Even though I'm not convinced of bashert in any meaningful way, I think for some people (myself included) Israel is just SO important, that they'd be willing to give up someone quite compatible. Look, Israel isn't just about a mitzvah. It's about being rooted, it's about coming home. It's about breathing the air that Jews used to breathe. It's about running your fingers through her sand, caressing every stone. For some, the love of Israel is as passionate as the love of a woman. It defines their mentality. It is the place that when you wake up from a happy dream, it's because you thought you were there. It is the place that makes you feel complete- as if there, troubles, in any meaningful sense, don't exist. It is the place where you could just walk and walk and walk, with nothing to do, and still feel as if you are accomplished. Still feel as if you had done something important with your life, just because you were privileged enough