So I'm having a discussion with a friend of mine at a wedding today, and the next woman was listening in. I was talking about a good friend of mine who just got married, with an interesting background. Adopted, converted to Judaism, adoptive parents Jewish but non-frum, etc... She just married a frum man.

So this eavesdropper turns to me, and says, "What's this man like?"
Belle: You know, nice frum guy, kind and gentle, he's in medical school, great accent (he's foreign)
Eavesdropper: But what's he like?
Belle: I'm afraid I don't understand you.
Eavesdropper: What's wrong with him?
Belle: Oh, nothing, I hope!
Eavesdropper: But why would he marry someone like her?

At that point I stopped being obtuse and (while smiling) said something to the effect of, "Well, I guess not everyone is as close-minded as you are."

She turned red with fury and said, "Oh PLEASE. Don't pretend there's nothing wrong with a geiris or an adopted person, or a baalas teshuva. You'd never go into such a shidduch, and neither would your parents."

When I responded that my mom was actually disappointed that my youngest brother was TOO young for her, she got angrier and said that I was lying.

She said that it's just the society we live in that stigmatizes people, and it's not going to change.

I responded that it's due to people like her that it won't change.

She turned a bit redder (I swear, her blood vessels couldn't have dilated more) and said, "Well, I don't know YOUR background, and I can't understand your opinion."

So I smiled, said "nice arguing with you" and left.

Mind, this is someone I had met only that second when she chose to listen in and give me her unasked-for opinion.

I'm boggled. I know people are ridiculously close-minded (I live in Brooklyn for crying out loud) but I've never actually met someone that got angry at my open opinion and accused me of lying about my own opinion.

Yikes...
well
I think you rock

Right...

mosheshmeal
.

Watch it, you're sounding scarily like that woman!

I'm sure if I jog my memory, I can come up with my mom's exact quote. Just give me a minute.

Your responses made me laugh!

Although I'm not one to get in to arguments, her commenting on a conversation that she wasn't part of def. deserved your responses. And hopefully (very unlikely) she'll think about what you said.

It's kind of scary that people like this are/have raising generations of children.

A friend of mine recently got engaged to a 'choshuv' type of guy. I can't stand the way she is totally not being herself just to fit the image. She even told me that she really wants to hide the fact that her parents are divorced, and do I have any ideas how to word things on the invitation so the choshuv chosson's people will never know.

I asked why do you care and she's like 'all these people are choshuv, I just don't want them to know. I don't want to meet them afterward and have them think 'she's the one who's parents are divorced'.

I told her I really don't relate, as I really DO NOT care what society thinks of me, almost to a fault. I'm just surprised that someone can care about this so much when -- she already is engaged! She doesnt have to worry about shidduchim any more!

Yeah, because there's no such thing as a girl breaking an engagement because a friend or relative tells her she can do better.

Hm...that hasn't even crossed my mind...
That is so crazy sad to think that someone would ever even think to say something like that.

DOes she feel her soon to be husband accepts her for who she is?

http://www.hashkafah.com/index.php?s=&...t&p=1013156

Does she honestly think they're not saying that already?

She keeps saying he's very choshuv and chasdei Hashem that he is her chosson. I suggested she talk this over with him and she answered 'its not good for a kallah to complain to their chasson'. I explained its not complaining but rather speaking it over with a trusted friend (wrong word). She said he wants her to do whatever makes her happy, she doesn't need to speak to him further about it. The whole thing is a little weird, I am really not used to engagements like this.





I dunno...I guess not all of the choshuv people know yet, and because she is the one making up the invitation she feels like she's going to just spill the beans to the rest of the folks that dont' know yet.

I loved that thread, LTL. Can you bump it? Most of us here didn't fill it out properly...

This sounds very weird. This is a girl who's above the age of 20 and a half?


Are her parents remarried? If the one she lives with is, then she has a small chance that not everyone knows. Otherwise, she's fooling herself.