What do you think are some of the differences between the two? Is there a difference?

Chupah and kiddushin

Three things:

1. Law (this is the reason I do not recommend having kids unless you are married)
2. Religion
3. Commitment (sometimes)

In the absence of religion or children, the only real difference is that each person can hurt the other more in the even of a breakup if they are married.

Is that really the only difference from an emotional and a even a responsibility standpoint?

Commitment.

Says who? There are plenty of young frummies who get married only to divorce soon after that. There are uncommitted marrieds, and cohabiting people who intend to stay together for life. How does marital status dictate a couple's level of commitment?

Mind frame. This is why long-term cohabitators frequently divorce shortly after marrying - marriage is simply a whole different animal and it is very scary to some to no longer have that "I can back out of this" security blanket in the back of their minds.

I have also seen/experienced that when one cohabitates, their life is not so intimately enmeshed with the other person's as when one is married. There are fewer expectations, demands, and joint-ventures (like a joint-bank account, for example). While SOME marriages are more two-people-in-one-house, and SOME live-in relationships are very "together", the majority of marriages follow a model where the couple is more of a unit than the live-in model of the couple being individuals in a relationship.



What does divorce have to do with commitment or lack thereof????

People divorce all the time! Over 50% of people who marry end up divorced. If marriage really were for life, you'd have a point. But in most cases, it's not.

Say many.
At least they're committed while married. There is far, far less cheating (if any) among 'young frummies' who are married than peers the same age who only live together.

Additionally, if not married would the guy be as apt to pick up the phone and see what is going on? Is it the same level of marriage? Do you especially the guys, feel the same need to do some things to make the relationship stronger even if they dont want to? What stops each person from being selfish in a relationship and caring about the others needs.

I dont mean this thread to be an attack session on Bri, but I am curious.

I am reminded of several women that I know who openly and proudly state that they are or were with their current boyfriend because of his body and nothing else.

multiple women mindyou. A relationships that results from such a pairing will be inherently unstable, and unlike marriage. its a fling, maybe its a 20 year fling, but is a fling, but if the emphasis is primarily on the physical, it will fall short.

Why are people so worried about attacking me? I can handle myself. Now if everyone were like me, life would be more fun. But you can't have everything in life...

Actually my guy does the dishes and vacuums. And he's an ex-marine so don't say he's not macho. He is. I think that if we were married he would be more likely to delegate "female" tasks to me because marriage is a "traditional" arrangement.

Nicely said

Yes, people do divorce all the time. But practically no one goes into marriage with a mindframe of "gee, this may or may not work out. Guess I'll try it and see", which is the attitude you have when you start dating someone and it progresses from there without a commitment.



I don't believe this is accurate remotely.

Hmm. I'd like to see how long it lasts..