As a parent, I notice that my children tend to reflect my own sins and weaknesses, even those things that I don't do in front of them.

What's your explanation for a parent's sins being reflected in their children?

Is it that by sinning, I am causing a spiritual weakness in my children?
Is it genetic, that since I'm susceptible to certain taavos, it stands to reason that they're susceptible as well?
Is it chinuch--if I'm weak in a certain area, I'm probably not being mechanech them properly in that area either?
Are my kids picking up from me that this behavior is okay, even though they don't see me do it or even know that I do it?
Do I tend to notice more the sins that I myself am guilty/ashamed of, and pay less attention to other crimes of theirs that don't reflect on me?



A combination of the above? Any other theories?

A combination of all of the above.

Can you give an example? What do you mean by sins? When I think "sins" I think turning lights on on Shabbat or something, but sounds like you have something else in mind.

I think what makes parents able to effectively raise their children is the fact that their kids genetically have the same shortcomings as one or both of their parents, thus giving you perspective in their flaws and allowing you to help them deal with the problems effectively.

Of course kids are adopted too, but in general instead of feeling that you are doing the wrong things in front of your children(which im sure we all do) realize that you have the prior knowledge to help them defeat and attack these issues early on in life.

It sounds to me (though I could be wrong) that she's talking about middos... anger, jealousy, etc.

Correct. But it's other things too.

Here's one example. My husband is a real davener--he davens slow, with a lot of kavannah. I tend to just dash off davening. Well, who do you think my kids emulate? Not him. It just seems that in many areas that I'm strong and he's weak, or vice versa, the kids copy the weaker parent. What's with that?

That's what I've seen in my family.

Sometimes that can be the root of the issue. Say a parent and a child who are both very stubborn, they tend to butt heads a lot more often than a parent/child that only one of them is stubborn.

Thats very true, that why there are two parents (Gd willing) The husband/wife know how to deal with their spouses, and they can diffuse those situations. More often then not a good parents will understand who is the adult and who is the child. No?

To add to what TDP said, I think sometimes that it makes the problem repeat itself. For example the man who has a difficult relationship with his parents will in turn have a difficult relationship with his children.

I actually think that sometimes thats true, as in extreme cases of molested and abused children becoming the same to their own kids, but in general parents do try and correct perceived wrongs by their parents to their kids.

I think you are right about in general, but patterns happen. There is a reason we all joke about turning into our parents.

I have definitely turned into my mother in many ways. And, also part of growing up.... it's not all that bad!

I think abuse/molestation is an entirely different ballgame.

Personally, I'm a mix of the best qualities from both parents

Seriously though it's funny to think of little traits and ways of doing things that we do like one of our parents or even grandparents. Sometimes it skips a generation. I think a lot of it is genes.

With davening, maybe you should analyze why it is you rush through davening, and why your kid does too. For instance, I have problems doing one thing for too long. I also hate starting new things that involve effort. So davening is a problem for me.

I have a feeling that when parents overly obsess over their children's traits or actions, they are really expressing concerns over their own issues.
They see their own problems reflected in their children.
This may cause anxiety and nagging by the parent, thus leading to even more problems between parent and child.