Let's say there is someone you consider to be a total nut, married to someone you consider to be normal.

What do you make of it?

Does it make you reevaluate your opinion of one or the other, that maybe the nutty one might not be so nuts, or the normal one might not be so normal? Or maybe you're the one who's not normal? Do you feel sorry for the normal spouse? Wonder what s/he saw in the spouse to begin with? Wonder how they live together? Or do you just try not to think about it?




I'm thinking of two cases. In both cases I considered the husband to be a nut, while the wife was a friend of mine. When they got married I was , but I didn't say anything, figuring, okay, as long as they're happy, and anyway I didn't know the husbands that well. Turns out that one couple is now divorced, while the other is still married but is very unhappy. (Not that these two stories are proof of anything.)

A friend of mine just related to me, "He held himself together until after we got married."
Enough said.

What do we mean by "a total nut"? A kooky type? Mental illness?

I admire women who have off-beat husbands, but just roll with the punches when they are in public. It takes a lot of woman to do that. It's too easy to belittle one's spouse.

I'm thinking of 2 couples in particular where the husband is a typically garrulous "dirty old man". The wives take it in stride with minimal eye-rolling. I do wonder what the signs are that your brand new shiny husband will turn into a dirty old man.

which is of course why I shouldn't get married.

Well firstly, no one knows what happens behind closed doors. The other spouse might not be all that normal themselves. And also, it's possible that the "nutty" one doesn't act that way until after they are already married. Sometimes it may be obvious to a casual observer, but it's different when it's subjective.

I would probably wonder what the other one (the "normal" one) was thinking.

Unfortunately, I've seen many couples in my orthodox Jewish community where a spouse's personality disorder makes life crazy for the family. I've learned that the nicest people can get involved with total nuts, and that it can happen to anyone.

Define "nut".

Me too! Does this give us all a release from getting married?

For starters, I'm thinking of someone who makes your daily life hell.
A control freak. someone you have to tiptoe around so you don't get him/her upset.
My friend married a paranoid, control freak, who's afraid to cross his mother.
They're married 2 years, 1 kid and 1 on the way.
He's a "nut." She's very nice.

It sounds like you want us to comment on one specific couple you have in mind. How are we supposed to do that? That's not what I was thinking at all when you wrote nut.

nut can mean alot of things. People could call me a nut, for multiple reasons, ranging from my very outspoken view of issues to my being mentally ill. (or to the damage resulting from childhood abuse.)

but then on, people could describe me as a nice, loving, relatively normal person. (if very different.) I've been described thatway before.

you you could describe as a nut someone who is very misogynistic, or someone who is crazy machmir, or someone who's obnoxious and mean, or someone who is really outright crazy and is running around with underware on his head saying that he's superjew come to save the world.

there are alot of different kinds of nuts.

Zaaky isn't the OP.


Yeah, that's the idea. Not just someone who has an offbeat personality.

thats what I thought.

It makes me happy to see that even people I would never in a million years consider as marriage material still somehow manage to find someone who can apreciate them for what they are worth.

Oops, sorry.

I know a couple like that and the wife belittles him every single opertunity that comes up in public. I think its horrible, she is obviously making the situation much worse. No one would notice all his social problems if she wouldn't keep pointing them out. Anyhow if your only value of your spouse is to show them off in public, you are bound to have problems no matter who you marry.