Scenario:

Sonny refuses to eat breakfast (even though it's his favorite). He has a 'trip' today (don't ask me why 2.5 year olds need to go on trips) and I know if he doesn't eat, he'll be whiny and miserable. I tell sonny he can't go to 'school' without eating breakfast, but that we can eat it outside while waiting for the bus to come. Sonny is out, eating breakfast when the neighbors come out with ices (at 8:45 in the morning). That's the end of his breakfast. He's tantruming, throwing himself on the asphalt and refusing to eat his bread. We've been through this a few times and he knows that he doesn't always get what others have. So I patiently tell him that he can't have the ices. He's whining, but eating. Good enough for me. Another neighbor (who brought her own kids ices, because CH"V they shouldn't have what others have) asks me why I don't give him, to which I replied, it's OK, he knows he can't have everything others have and I think that at 8:45, while eating his bread, he doesn't need an ices. So sonny is sitting, eating, but slightly kvetching about not having an ices.

2 minutes later, the neighbor who asked me why he's crying walks out with an ices and hands it to sonny just like that.

1) In regards to 2.5 year olds going on trips. I used to think the same way, but I know see that my 2.5 year old started going to camp with my older son and she LOVES it. It really exposes her to different environment, kids, etc. But, I will admit that tomorrow is trip day and I plan on leaving her home. The counselors do me a favor by letting her come since it's really for 3-5 year olds, but I don't think it's right to send someone so young on a trip with the camp. However, if it was my mother/m-i-l/me taking a kid, I would probably take her along. I do see there is some benefit to exposing her to such scenerios and it does give her enjoyment and she often talks about it for weeks after. [When I say trip, I'm not talking anything fancy, but the local beach or similar.]

2. I would have taken the ices from sonny and said "I see that Mrs. X made a mistake and misunderstood what I was saying. I will put it in freezer so you can have when you finish your bread/come home from school/etc.

I think the neighbor's kid needs a shiny new drum set.......

Wow, I had no idea that you lived in my neighborhood! My neighbors have done this on numerous ocassions and it makes me seething mad. The worst is when the kid is almost calmed down and you know you're almost there and then neighbor buts in and either 1. You give in because you just don't have energy to start the fight from scratch, or 2. You stay strong and have to go through the entire tantrum again from the top.



You are a strong, strong woman. I like you.




We'll pick it up right after we pick out a new puppy and stop for a double espresso. . .

I don't think this would get the point across. The neighbor probably doesn't care what kid has and doesn't weigh the pros/cons of such things as heavily.


I try but as any parent I don't always manage.

Never offer a kid anything to eat without checking with the parent first (unless the child is under your care at the time, and even then first check with the parent what you can feed him). You never know about allergies, hechshers, eating habits, etc. Especially if the parent just said explicitly that she does NOT want her child to have the ices.

Agreed.

YES, YES, YES


(This is true even if the reason given to the kid is "I/we don't have one." because the real reason might be "You're allergic to eggs." or something like that.)

I would have done this, for sonny's sake. But I wasn't interested in having to deal with neighbor.

So, how did you end up handling it?

Sonny is more important. If neighbor starts up, I say 'mh and I choose to teach this to our kid and we ask you to please leave the parenting to us.' I have had to use this line before, but it usually zips them up at least for a while.

I simply pretended not to see. I was seething though.

Probably what I would have done but I really like FYI's plan.

I could see myself doing that with many people, but not this neighbor. It just wouldn't work. It doesn't pay to get on her wrong side. She's sweet until you do something other than what she believes in. I have to live with her and it's just not worth it.

Ech. I can't stand people like that. Too bad for them. It's my child and I have an obligation to nurture him in the best manner possible.