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TO ALL-
The other night, I had dinner with a few friends. One of them, an older, never married BT, talked about two ex-girlfriends. He referred to them as his "basherts" and showed us photos of them that he has saved on his Blackberry, even though the relationships ended years ago---- before he became observant. Both are now divorced and back on the market. Neither is Jewish though. Also, both currently live hundreds of miles away from him.
He hasn't ever formed a substantial romantic connection with a Jewish woman. I know from my personal experience that dating when over 40 can be horrific.
I felt genuine sadness and sympathy for him. At the same time, as an observant Jew, how can he start (or restart) a successful relationship with a non-Jew? How can he even give it serious consideration? My wife meanwhile wasn't so sympathetic about the situation.
So, my question for you, fellow H-com members, is: if this guy was your friend, how would you handle the situation? I can't think of any easy answers here.
BT friend still in love with non-Jewish ex-girlfriends
#1 
goyishrebbe 
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Posted 20 November 2009 - 01:13 AM
MultiQuote #2
velvym
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Posted 20 November 2009 - 05:24 AM
goyishrebbe, on Nov 20 2009, 01:13 AM, said:
TO ALL-
The other night, I had dinner with a few friends. One of them, an older, never married BT, talked about two ex-girlfriends. He referred to them as his "basherts" and showed us photos of them that he has saved on his Blackberry, even though the relationships ended years ago---- before he became observant. Both are now divorced and back on the market. Neither is Jewish though. Also, both currently live hundreds of miles away from him.
He hasn't ever formed a substantial romantic connection with a Jewish woman. I know from my personal experience that dating when over 40 can be horrific.
I felt genuine sadness and sympathy for him. At the same time, as an observant Jew, how can he start (or restart) a successful relationship with a non-Jew? How can he even give it serious consideration? My wife meanwhile wasn't so sympathetic about the situation.
So, my question for you, fellow H-com members, is: if this guy was your friend, how would you handle the situation? I can't think of any easy answers here.
The other night, I had dinner with a few friends. One of them, an older, never married BT, talked about two ex-girlfriends. He referred to them as his "basherts" and showed us photos of them that he has saved on his Blackberry, even though the relationships ended years ago---- before he became observant. Both are now divorced and back on the market. Neither is Jewish though. Also, both currently live hundreds of miles away from him.
He hasn't ever formed a substantial romantic connection with a Jewish woman. I know from my personal experience that dating when over 40 can be horrific.
I felt genuine sadness and sympathy for him. At the same time, as an observant Jew, how can he start (or restart) a successful relationship with a non-Jew? How can he even give it serious consideration? My wife meanwhile wasn't so sympathetic about the situation.
So, my question for you, fellow H-com members, is: if this guy was your friend, how would you handle the situation? I can't think of any easy answers here.
I think I'd be with your wife on this. I can't say that I'd be so sympathetic myself. Whether they are Jewish or not, the simple fact that they are back on the market doesn't mean that they have a renewed interest in your friend.
"I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center." - Kurt Vonnegut
#3
Kalashnikover_Rebbe
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Posted 20 November 2009 - 05:34 AM
There's only one solution. Find him a h0tt Jewish chick postehaste!!! I'm sure if you hit the local BT hangouts you can find someone who is willing to "take one for the team" and marry this guy on the spot just to save him from getting involved with a shiksa... You can probably even get a letter from a rabbi!!!
But in all seriousness, what can you tell this guy?? Sure you can tell him he'll find his basherte and just has to be patient, and to have faith in G-d and not to worry etc... And you can even use propaganda techniques such as the "silent holocaust" or play to his BT sensitivities, but at the end of the day every person's "got to do what they got to do", and he's in his 40's lonely and doesn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. So I think the only thing you CAN do is daven and try to be supportive without jeopardizing your friendship...
But in all seriousness, what can you tell this guy?? Sure you can tell him he'll find his basherte and just has to be patient, and to have faith in G-d and not to worry etc... And you can even use propaganda techniques such as the "silent holocaust" or play to his BT sensitivities, but at the end of the day every person's "got to do what they got to do", and he's in his 40's lonely and doesn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. So I think the only thing you CAN do is daven and try to be supportive without jeopardizing your friendship...
[/flirting]
#4
krumlikeapretzel
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Posted 20 November 2009 - 05:45 AM
Kalashnikover_Rebbe, on Nov 20 2009, 05:34 AM, said:
There's only one solution. Find him a h0tt Jewish chick postehaste!!! I'm sure if you hit the local BT hangouts you can find someone who is willing to "take one for the team" and marry this guy on the spot just to save him from getting involved with a shiksa... You can probably even get a letter from a rabbi!!!
GOD'S IN HIS HEAVEN. ALL'S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.
#5
Shoshi
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Posted 20 November 2009 - 08:17 AM
If your friend is in his 40s (or older?) and his ex-girlfriends are the same age (presumably), I don't honestly see the harm in him dating them again. The chance that they would have children is slim (due to their age), so what really is the problem?
#6
Monte Cristo
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Posted 20 November 2009 - 10:04 AM
Kalashnikover_Rebbe, on Nov 20 2009, 06:34 AM, said:
There's only one solution. Find him a h0tt Jewish chick postehaste!!! I'm sure if you hit the local BT hangouts you can find someone who is willing to "take one for the team" and marry this guy on the spot just to save him from getting involved with a shiksa... You can probably even get a letter from a rabbi!!!
But in all seriousness, what can you tell this guy?? Sure you can tell him he'll find his basherte and just has to be patient, and to have faith in G-d and not to worry etc... And you can even use propaganda techniques such as the "silent holocaust" or play to his BT sensitivities, but at the end of the day every person's "got to do what they got to do", and he's in his 40's lonely and doesn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. So I think the only thing you CAN do is daven and try to be supportive without jeopardizing your friendship...
But in all seriousness, what can you tell this guy?? Sure you can tell him he'll find his basherte and just has to be patient, and to have faith in G-d and not to worry etc... And you can even use propaganda techniques such as the "silent holocaust" or play to his BT sensitivities, but at the end of the day every person's "got to do what they got to do", and he's in his 40's lonely and doesn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. So I think the only thing you CAN do is daven and try to be supportive without jeopardizing your friendship...
For some reason that strikes me as a bad idea. What next people threatening to assimilate unless they get a shidduch right now.
1) "I pray my wife has a sex addiction, because I'm more than happy to be an enabler" - Frummy frum
2) "Hanukah is about throwing spears at people who assimilate" - Rentsy
3) "Are you trying to say that consummating one's marriage is bittul Torah?" - Savannah
4) “I’m going to drink 21 shots on my 21st birthday” – As
“As your wife I forbid it” – TM
“We’re not married yet, you can’t boss me around yet” – As
5) "Isn't a divine hora'at sha'ah an even better license to kill than whatever James Bond has?" - Rentsy
"D*mn right" - Snag
6) "Facebook is spiritual chametz, because one becomes inflated with one's sense self importance while sitting around doing nothing" - Rentsy
2) "Hanukah is about throwing spears at people who assimilate" - Rentsy
3) "Are you trying to say that consummating one's marriage is bittul Torah?" - Savannah
4) “I’m going to drink 21 shots on my 21st birthday” – As
“As your wife I forbid it” – TM
“We’re not married yet, you can’t boss me around yet” – As
5) "Isn't a divine hora'at sha'ah an even better license to kill than whatever James Bond has?" - Rentsy
"D*mn right" - Snag
6) "Facebook is spiritual chametz, because one becomes inflated with one's sense self importance while sitting around doing nothing" - Rentsy
#7
Shuli
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Posted 20 November 2009 - 02:52 PM
Shoshi, on Nov 20 2009, 08:17 AM, said:
If your friend is in his 40s (or older?) and his ex-girlfriends are the same age (presumably), I don't honestly see the harm in him dating them again. The chance that they would have children is slim (due to their age), so what really is the problem?
I assume the issue he's havig with this is that the fried will be datig/marryig a shikse, ot that he'll be makig goy-babies.
QUOTE (Kalashnikover_Rebbe @ May 25 2008, 08:00 PM)
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
#8
krumlikeapretzel
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Posted 20 November 2009 - 03:11 PM
Shuli, on Nov 20 2009, 02:52 PM, said:
goy-babies.
funnyphotographer0.jpg (73.82K) Number of downloads: 0
"It's a goy!"
GOD'S IN HIS HEAVEN. ALL'S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.
#9
Aviva
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Posted 20 November 2009 - 03:59 PM
I'd probably agree with your wife as well, but I would feel bad. I'd also think, how can both be his bashert? Be that as it may, when he decided to become more religious, he did so with the knowledge that these girls, along with other non-Jewish girls, were no longer options for him. Personally, I tend to think him wanting to start up with them again is just loneliness.
"Intimacy is being seen and known as the person you truly are." -Amy Bloom
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx
"I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not." -Kurt Cobain
"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have." -Doris Mortman
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blog. Updated today!
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx
"I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not." -Kurt Cobain
"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have." -Doris Mortman
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blog. Updated today!
#10
goyishrebbe
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 06:03 PM
Thanks, everyone for your feedback.
#11
Ahavati
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:03 PM
Quote
Think not you'll control the course of Love. For if Love finds you worthy, it will direct yours.
Shuli, on Nov 20 2009, 02:52 PM, said:
I assume the issue he's havig with this is that the fried will be datig/marryig a shikse, ot that he'll be makig goy-babies.
Isn't shikse an offensive term used to describe non-Jewish women?
If not for my attempts to be a "good Christian" (i.e. someone who follows what Jesus taught and not what the Pauline Epistles taught), I doubt I'd be an orthodox Jew right now. Shemmy
#12
Shuli
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:15 PM
...
QUOTE (Kalashnikover_Rebbe @ May 25 2008, 08:00 PM)
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
#13
Ahavati
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:17 PM
Shuli, on Nov 21 2009, 07:15 PM, said:
"o-jewish woma" would've bee cofusig. (ditto "o-jewish babbies")
You didn't answer my question.
If not for my attempts to be a "good Christian" (i.e. someone who follows what Jesus taught and not what the Pauline Epistles taught), I doubt I'd be an orthodox Jew right now. Shemmy
#14
Monte Cristo
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:19 PM
Aviva, on Nov 20 2009, 04:59 PM, said:
I'd probably agree with your wife as well, but I would feel bad. I'd also think, how can both be his bashert? Be that as it may, when he decided to become more religious, he did so with the knowledge that these girls, along with other non-Jewish girls, were no longer options for him. Personally, I tend to think him wanting to start up with them again is just loneliness.
That could be it too.
Ahavati, on Nov 21 2009, 08:03 PM, said:
Isn't shikse an offensive term used to describe non-Jewish women?
Yes.
1) "I pray my wife has a sex addiction, because I'm more than happy to be an enabler" - Frummy frum
2) "Hanukah is about throwing spears at people who assimilate" - Rentsy
3) "Are you trying to say that consummating one's marriage is bittul Torah?" - Savannah
4) “I’m going to drink 21 shots on my 21st birthday” – As
“As your wife I forbid it” – TM
“We’re not married yet, you can’t boss me around yet” – As
5) "Isn't a divine hora'at sha'ah an even better license to kill than whatever James Bond has?" - Rentsy
"D*mn right" - Snag
6) "Facebook is spiritual chametz, because one becomes inflated with one's sense self importance while sitting around doing nothing" - Rentsy
2) "Hanukah is about throwing spears at people who assimilate" - Rentsy
3) "Are you trying to say that consummating one's marriage is bittul Torah?" - Savannah
4) “I’m going to drink 21 shots on my 21st birthday” – As
“As your wife I forbid it” – TM
“We’re not married yet, you can’t boss me around yet” – As
5) "Isn't a divine hora'at sha'ah an even better license to kill than whatever James Bond has?" - Rentsy
"D*mn right" - Snag
6) "Facebook is spiritual chametz, because one becomes inflated with one's sense self importance while sitting around doing nothing" - Rentsy
#15
Ahavati
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:25 PM
Monte Cristo, on Nov 21 2009, 07:19 PM, said:
Yes.
I already knew. I just wanted to see if she'd answer. (But thank you.)
If not for my attempts to be a "good Christian" (i.e. someone who follows what Jesus taught and not what the Pauline Epistles taught), I doubt I'd be an orthodox Jew right now. Shemmy
#16
Shuli
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:29 PM
...
QUOTE (Kalashnikover_Rebbe @ May 25 2008, 08:00 PM)
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
#17
Ahavati
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:34 PM
Shuli, on Nov 21 2009, 07:29 PM, said:
I would've put you above maipulative tactics, 'vati.
Let me get this straight. You're using an offensive and derogatory term regarding non-Jewish women, when you know there are non-Jewish women who are regular posters on this board, but you're not willing to own up when asked? On the contrary, you evade the question completely. And I'm manipulative?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Okay.
If not for my attempts to be a "good Christian" (i.e. someone who follows what Jesus taught and not what the Pauline Epistles taught), I doubt I'd be an orthodox Jew right now. Shemmy
#18
Shuli
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:35 PM
...
QUOTE (Kalashnikover_Rebbe @ May 25 2008, 08:00 PM)
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
#19
Ahavati
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:37 PM
Shuli, on Nov 21 2009, 07:35 PM, said:
Take a valium, dude. It was't a isult, ad it certaily was't directed at you. Go #### at Krebby for usig the term regularly, if you eed a scapegoat.
Passive-aggressive behavior really doesn't suit you.
If not for my attempts to be a "good Christian" (i.e. someone who follows what Jesus taught and not what the Pauline Epistles taught), I doubt I'd be an orthodox Jew right now. Shemmy
#20
Shuli
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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:38 PM
...
QUOTE (Kalashnikover_Rebbe @ May 25 2008, 08:00 PM)
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
OK Now, I'm sure of it. I DO :wub: you........
Why aren't the rest of the chicks like you.... :(
QUOTE (the Real Adiel @ Nov 11 2008, 09:09 PM)
I got a Yeshiva education. Lower your expectations.
QUOTE (49timesthelovin @ Jul 8 2009, 11:36 PM)
Let's just say what we're all thinking, Shuli is a stone cold fox.
