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No Giving Gifts


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#61 Shoshi

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Posted 04 July 2012 - 09:58 AM

ditto.

To add another thing.

I hate weddings in general. In most cases (not all!), it feels like an obligation. I have to figure out clothing, figure out how I'm getting there (why does everyone like New Jersey!), and clear my schedule. Once I'm there I get to sit through boring ceremonial ritual and speeches that fail at their attempted humor, eat mediocre food and get cornered into smalltalk with some people I don't know or particular like.

There have been perhaps a handful of wedding that were the exception. My favorite cousin. A VERY CLOSE friend here or there .... And it was never about how fancy the wedding was, but about how much I was truly happy for the person. Because for me, all things equal, a wedding is a HUGE hassle. Absent the few exceptions and unless it's an absolute obligation, I get out of going to one. So for the ones where I go, I also get the privelege of being obligated in a gift (I always give generous gifts, I believe. That doesn't bother me and is not the point). But a wedding invitation sounds like Lose Lose Lose to me. Weddings are narcissistic. It's all about the bride and groom. And they invite you to come honor them. And if you can't afford to also pay for their day of honor, go through the hassle but just don't eat the mediocre food. Hooray for you. Again, with the few exceptions where I was so happy to see the person getting married and celebrate their happiness vs just another wedding in the pile.

So you know, when it comes to my wedding, I'm making it crystal clear - if someone actually wants to show up? Actually wants to go to the hassle of dressing and attending and all that? And they really in earnest want to be there? I'm amazingly honored by that. The number of my friends who have let me know they want to be at my wedding has made me feel like a million bucks. I worry about inviting anyone who will feel an obligation to come but considers weddings a hassle too.

Just knowing that someone ACTUALLY wants to be at my wedding - like if they actually want to be there to celebrate with me and make me happy to see them and it's not a hassle or obligation - that is something worth everything. How few people did I truly feel that way towards rather than being stressed out about either attending or finding a non-offending excuse? That's amazing to me that anyone would want to be at my wedding ... like, besides my mom.

Someone who would want to come for the free food? That's more foreign to me. No wedding food is worth the hassles of attending a wedding.

I mean it 100% when I say that the very best gift anyone could give me would be the actual desire to be there. I hope I am so lucky to have some of those people in my life. If people attend your wedding - or rather, if people attend my wedding - I consider it a favor to me. Not a favor to them where they owe me payback.


I agree.

#62 SUMMERSUP

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Posted 04 July 2012 - 03:51 PM

It's SO not about the gifts seriously. I don't know why you would have to be embarrassed...If you don't go people actually notice that!
If you do or you dont give a gift nobody remembers. TRUST ME!

#63 Red Hare

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Posted 04 July 2012 - 04:43 PM

If you give a terrible gift, or a great gift, people DO remember that.
"There's a stroller called Phil and Ted's? Is that the kind for most excellent adventuresome babies?" Sweet

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#64 SUMMERSUP

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Posted 05 July 2012 - 08:41 AM

If you give a terrible gift, or a great gift, people DO remember that.


Yes, Your right. It's better to give no gift then a terrible one(terrible would be one that's kinda home made looking)
btw, I just thought of something.
Sometimes with my poor lakewood friends when there is like a simcha, I organize one big present which people put money towards and then ill buy a nice present aswell on side( this is good for you, becouse people wont say I bought already)
If you have a poor best friend Maybe join with them. or get a few poor friends and a couple richer ones and just make a joint present.
To do this. You would need to get a better present though...Or maybe you could start bartering your occupation?

#65 Red Hare

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Posted 05 July 2012 - 11:02 AM

It depends. I've seen people putting together 50 cents each, for a baby outfit from Conway's.
"There's a stroller called Phil and Ted's? Is that the kind for most excellent adventuresome babies?" Sweet

"I discovered that all the participating members here are 'black sheep' in their own circles. On Hashkafah.com, the mainstream is truly wacked." Silent J

"H.com becomes a proverbial Hotel California for many of us" Nooch

#66 SUMMERSUP

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Posted 05 July 2012 - 12:13 PM

It depends. I've seen people putting together 50 cents each, for a baby outfit from Conway's.


hahaha!! R U SERIOUS!!!
Does that really happen? That is a perfect example of what NOT to do...rather just don't buy a present seriously..

#67 Red Hare

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Posted 05 July 2012 - 01:05 PM

I know. When I worked in (Jewish) non profit, our salaries were really low. We had BH lots of office simchas, and we wanted to give something, but it got ridiculous.
"There's a stroller called Phil and Ted's? Is that the kind for most excellent adventuresome babies?" Sweet

"I discovered that all the participating members here are 'black sheep' in their own circles. On Hashkafah.com, the mainstream is truly wacked." Silent J

"H.com becomes a proverbial Hotel California for many of us" Nooch

#68 SUMMERSUP

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Posted 05 July 2012 - 01:25 PM

OY!
I dunno From the office nothing major is expected (depending on how long person has been there etc)
I would say a nice card and yea something small..although cothes from conway's is never allowed!
U can find good brands for Cheaper as well..

#69 Red Hare

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Posted 05 July 2012 - 03:25 PM

I'm telling ya, a dozen of us in my department used to chip in 50 cents each. For a card and baby gift. Each of which costs just a few dollars.
"There's a stroller called Phil and Ted's? Is that the kind for most excellent adventuresome babies?" Sweet

"I discovered that all the participating members here are 'black sheep' in their own circles. On Hashkafah.com, the mainstream is truly wacked." Silent J

"H.com becomes a proverbial Hotel California for many of us" Nooch

#70 Pinchas

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 02:23 AM

It's the thought that counts.

Pinchas is right - micha

 

For the record, IRL he is a really nice guy! - HappyDuck, Z"L


#71 SUMMERSUP

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 12:07 PM

The idea is cute but you can buy normal brands for cheap usually in macys etc. Like conways is where I would get insulted..Do u keep the conways tag on? So they could return

#72 mroof

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 03:30 PM

It depends. I've seen people putting together 50 cents each, for a baby outfit from Conway's.

That is just super shady: Conways does have some cute onesies and outfits though. I wouldn't be so fast to discredit it just because it is cheap. My mom bought plenty of cute outfits from there.
Paying more also does not guarantee you are always getting a better deal. The goal is to shop around and pick out the various cute deals that you find from multiple places.
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#73 mroof

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 03:36 PM

Example:

Crazy 8 has a cute onesie here: http://www.crazy8.co...ted=0&fit_type=

Price -> $3.99
Gymboree, the parent company, has a similar onesie for a retail listing of $8.49

The 3.99 is a better deal and it's cuter than the 8.49 one: Both from the same company (just different divisions. Similar to Old Navy being a part of Gap etc..).

http://www.gymboree....ted=0&fit_type=

Get my drift? Just keep a gift receipt available for everything just in case the parents want to refund ANYTHING you buy: General rule when shopping for others. ;)
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The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances...if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

#74 mroof

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 03:45 PM

Seriously though: These are my favorite places to shop for kids clothing

www.crazy8.com
www.gymboree.com
www.childrensplace.com

www.carters.com >> you can buy entire sets here at great prices! My absolute favorite (Osh Kosh)
Man, I wish I wasn't so strapped for cash at the moment: Carter's has some awesome stuff up right now lol.
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#75 SUMMERSUP

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Posted 09 July 2012 - 01:21 PM

Thats so cute.. I dont have kids myself yet. So i usually go to the store. Maybe you are right maybe i should order online a couple of cute outfits for boys and girls...have them stored away.




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