42 replies to this topic

[LoveToLaugh]

Do / should you sometimes give your kid a present 'just because'?

I want to give my daughter a kiddie camera because she is very into my camera and I'd rather she use her own.....I feel funny about giving her a present for no reason at all.

Thoughts? Experiences?

[Shaina]

Make her work towards it, like with a chart. Just invent something - why not take advantage of the opportunity?

[Pamello]

Why not just give it. Explain to her that Mummy loves her very much and has seen her interest in cameras ...

As I told my oldest when discussing jealousy - Tatty and Mummy love her very much and give her everything she needs; and even some things that she wants.

[LoveToLaugh]

Make her work towards it, like with a chart. Just invent something - why not take advantage of the opportunity?

I was thinking of something like this. I happen to hate the whole idea of sticker charts but right now she has off and doesn't like going to new places so maybe I can include it. Also the problem is that I WON'T be having something nice and new every time!

Why not just give it. Explain to her that Mummy loves her very much and has seen her interest in cameras ...

As I told my oldest when discussing jealousy - Tatty and Mummy love her very much and give her everything she needs; and even some things that she wants.

I'm just worried that she'll start to expect these things and get spoiled in a sense.

[TheDuncePolice]

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[LoveToLaugh]

When you give it, you can say that this is something that might happen once in a while, and it's not something you expect to get at any time. Also, this is like saying I'm worried she might expect hugs all the time if I give her a hug now. Doing/giving something for a child/spouse/sibling 'just because' gives said person more than just a gift IMO.

How is it the same? I'm OK with her wanting and expecting hugs whenever she needs one. I'm not ok with her expecting an expensive gift every time she wants one.

[agent220]

I do it all the time. It shows I was thinking of them and love them, no strings attached.

Not big gifts, but small little things. Like Friday, I came home with 3 books for my son from my mother in law's house and a pack of flashcards from Target...

[Shaina]

Just to clarify, because my post might've made me come across as some horribly rigid mom: I buy my kids little things all the time. But something like a camera I feel is different, and the few times I've come across a "bigger" gift I wanted to give my son, I've used the opportunity teach him about a new responsibility or something like that. When he receives the gift after working hard, he appreciates it so much more (and is insanely proud of himself) than if I'd just given it to him.

[LoveToLaugh]

Just to clarify, because my post might've made me come across as some horribly rigid mom: I buy my kids little things all the time. But something like a camera I feel is different, and the few times I've come across a "bigger" gift I wanted to give my son, I've used the opportunity teach him about a new responsibility or something like that. When he receives the gift after working hard, he appreciates it so much more (and is insanely proud of himself) than if I'd just given it to him.

Yup. Stickers, little treats, even books are given out 'just because' every now and then. But a camera is a big big thing. Too bad she is already toilet trained, that would be a great opportunity.

[Belle]

Why not just give it.

yep. my parents surprised us with gifts they knew we wanted, and It was so wonderful.

in general I don't believe in needing occasions for gifts. I think it's a way to show love, and if the money is available at a particular time, go for it and surprise your spouse/child/whomever.

if you happen to have something the kid needs to work on, such as respect, or piano practice, or potty training - then use it as bribe. but if you don't have anything in mind, why bother coming up with something? give it to her with a hug.

[Nechama]

I dont really have an opinion, but since Pesach is about 2 months away you can always save it for an afikomen present.

[LoveToLaugh]

I dont really have an opinion, but since Pesach is about 2 months away you can always save it for an afikomen present.

That thought crossed my mind, but I really want her to stop using my camera!!

Also we don't really give afikomen presents and once you start, its hard to go back. In a way, it might be better to give a gift for no reason at all then to give a big shebang for whatever reason and than have her expect that every year / time she finishes the chart / etc.

[TheDuncePolice]

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[greentiger]

i can't say i ever really thought about it, but i do get my kids bigger gifts from time to time for no other reason than seeing them happy. I tend to think of these gifts as more gifts for me than the kid. If i want my kid to have a new special toy, or i want my kid to have the fancier shoes or whatever it is that i was never bought as a kid, then its usually me wanting it. I'm okay doing it as long as i recognize its for myself and don't use my kid as excuse because most the time they would be just as happy without.

I don't agree that occasional gifts will spoil a kid and teach them they can always get what they want. You can put your foot down at any time. Kids will ask for gifts regardless, and you can still say "no" or "not right now"

[*princess*]

I do it all the time. It shows I was thinking of them and love them, no strings attached.

Not big gifts, but small little things. Like Friday, I came home with 3 books for my son from my mother in law's house and a pack of flashcards from Target...

I agree with this, if am out shopping and see s/t on of my sons would like I sometimes get it for him/them. It is nice to know that you were being thought about!

[Pamello]

I'm just worried that she'll start to expect these things and get spoiled in a sense.

Spoiled in knowing that her parents love her and think of her and decided, as a one off, to purchase something special for her?

If you have a reason, fine use it, but, personally, I think there is benefit to a child knowing that sometimes they can get something - be it an actual present or just time/attention, just because! I don't think you have to be afraid that she'll come to expect it and if she does its an opportunity to explain that we can't always buy what we want or we don't always have enough money for extras etc.

[agent220]

I think waiting on her finishing a chart will be too much pressure on YOU as the mother. YOU want to give it more than SHE wants it (she doesn't even know of it as an option).
You'll come to resent the chart and why can't she hurry up and finish it; just give it.

[Red Hare]

I got tampons at half price for DD - is that a gift ?

[agent220]

It would be if you bought them at full price.

[LoveToLaugh]

OK, I think I'll just give it. Maybe I'll wait for a day that she's extra super. Maybe not. We'll see what happens when it comes.

Thanks for the advice guys