[brianna]

There are some things that should bother me but don't. I try to stay out of a family's business when I babysit, but sometimes it's just obvious. Or the couple is to comfortable and open with me since I've been babysitting for them for 3 or more years. Do I have to stop babysitting at certain families if there's funny business going on (not involving me or the kids - the parents)? Or can I just look the other way and take my money?

[critic]

I think you're going to have to expound on what you mean by 'funny business'

[brianna]

critic, on Mar 3 2005, 12:08 PM, said:

I think you're going to have to expound on what you mean by 'funny business'

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

One couple I recently started babysitting for (about 3 months ago) does some 'swinging', wife swapping whatever you want to call it. That's why I made this thread.

jake7484, on Mar 3 2005, 12:09 PM, said:

she means that she sees the parents selling crack, right brianna?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Uh, no. Although I did babysit for a pothead couple a couple of times. The kids were so cute about it. Little girl: "My daddy gets happy when he breaths that smoky stuff." Kind of sad, actually.

[critic]

brianna, on Mar 3 2005, 12:47 PM, said:

critic, on Mar 3 2005, 12:08 PM, said:

I think you're going to have to expound on what you mean by 'funny business'

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

One couple I recently started babysitting for (about 3 months ago) does some 'swinging', wife swapping whatever you want to call it. That's why I made this thread.

Whoah. Are both spouses involved? Do they know what the other is doing, and are they doing it willingly?

[Tova]

Frum families?

If you are uncomfortable in this type of situation I would, personally, discontinue babysitting for them.

[brianna]

critic, on Mar 3 2005, 01:06 PM, said:

brianna, on Mar 3 2005, 12:47 PM, said:

critic, on Mar 3 2005, 12:08 PM, said:

I think you're going to have to expound on what you mean by 'funny business'

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

One couple I recently started babysitting for (about 3 months ago) does some 'swinging', wife swapping whatever you want to call it. That's why I made this thread.

Whoah. Are both spouses involved? Do they know what the other is doing, and are they doing it willingly?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Both spounses are involved and very willing. My problem is this: Untill I knew for sure, I rationlized it thinking that it's probably not what I think. The wife would pick me up in the van with the two little kids (one baby, one 2 year old) fast asleep in their car seats and they paid me more generously than other people just to stay in the van with the kids for 3 hours or so. When she'd get to the house, she'd get out of the car and another car would be waiting there. Each time, the couple would laugh and talk a bit and then the wife would get into the car and a different woman would get out of the car and the two (the husband and the other woman) would go into the house together. Sometimes it was the other way around. The husband would get into the car and a different guy would come out and go back into the house with the wife. It was pretty hard to be dan l'kav z'chus altogether, but now they're pretty open about talking about it in front of me, so it's wierd to say the least.

The thing is that it makes me uncomfortable but doesn't bother me per se. I dunno, it's not like either spounse is cheating on the other. Yeah, they're breaking halacha big time - but is that my business? After all, I'm just the babysitter!

[hashfanatic]

Yep, it is your business.

You've got to give up both babysitting jobs at once, and remove yourself from both environments.

It's improper for you to know about what is going on, because if you are working for them in a child care position, you are part of the family, like it or not.

Can you imagine a scenario in which one of the swingers ratted out the other in a fit of jealously and revenge, and you were the only witness? These things happen all the time, believe me.

Same thing with the weed fiends. They're parents, and can be exposed criminally for their actions. I can't remember if you're seventeen or eighteen, but either way it could be a mess.

Your professional reputation is on the line, even if it's for only a few bucks.

You're in Rockland, no? No shortage of other frum families to babysit for, and feel safe.

Good luck, and get rid of them now! (Don't tell anyone about it, either.)

[fuzzy]

brianna, on Mar 3 2005, 01:17 PM, said:

fast asleep in their car seats and they paid me more generously than other people just to stay in the van with the kids for 3 hours or so. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't get it: you would be paid to stay with the kids, in the van, for three hours? Isn't that a bit strange?

[Doc]

After talking with the other moderators, this topic is back under the conditions that the thread talks about this specific situation ONLY. Any excuse to have it closed will be used. Talk about this situation, and this situation only.

This post has been edited by TheGrimReaper: 03 March 2005 - 02:49 PM

[Nooch]

TheGrimReaper, on Mar 3 2005, 02:48 PM, said:

After talking with the other moderators, this topic is back under the conditions that the thread talks about this specific situation ONLY.  Any excuse to have it closed will be used. Talk about this situation, and this situation only.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do you mean this specifc case or the specific issue-i.e. swingers in jewish circles.(and how it effects babysitters)
(...this sounds like maury povich or something like that! )
Please advise.

[miri]

How about we stick to advising Brianna what to do, ie, telling her to get away from these miusdike people ASAP.

[Nechama]

brianna, on Mar 3 2005, 01:17 PM, said:

The thing is that it makes me uncomfortable but doesn't bother me per se. I dunno, it's not like either spounse is cheating on the other. Yeah, they're breaking halacha big time - but is that my business? After all, I'm just the babysitter!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Halachicy- Could you be considered "helping" them sin, because they cant go out without a willing and quiet babysitter. Yeah, but if you leave they might find somone else to watch the kids- well, you're not the liable one then.
Plus in the cover your tush dept., like hashfanatic said, if things ever go sour between the couple, you could end up as the court's star witness.

get out asap

[Nooch]

The fact that these people do this,is horrific and obscene,but that's between them and G-d. To cavalierly tell an impressionable young girl about it is outrageous!!!

[Nooch]

I am not so sure I agree with hashfanatic about not telling anyone. These people are potentially making mamzeirim!!!!!!!!!! A Rav has to be alerted! The consequences are dire!!!! Maybe make an annonymous phone call or something!
Very disturbing!

[Pure Myrrh]

brianna, on Mar 3 2005, 01:17 PM, said:

Both spounses are involved and very willing. My problem is this: Untill I knew for sure, I rationlized it thinking that it's probably not what I think. The wife would pick me up in the van with the two little kids (one baby, one 2 year old) fast asleep in their car seats and they paid me more generously than other people just to stay in the van with the kids for 3 hours or so. When she'd get to the house, she'd get out of the car and another car would be waiting there. Each time, the couple would laugh and talk a bit and then the wife would get into the car and a different woman would get out of the car and the two (the husband and the other woman) would go into the house together. Sometimes it was the other way around. The husband would get into the car and a different guy would come out and go back into the house with the wife. It was pretty hard to be dan l'kav z'chus altogether, but now they're pretty open about talking about it in front of me, so it's wierd to say the least.

The thing is that it makes me uncomfortable but doesn't bother me per se. I dunno, it's not like either spounse is cheating on the other. Yeah, they're breaking halacha big time - but is that my business? After all, I'm just the babysitter!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Talk about disturbing.

I don't care if they're paying you gold bars to babysit for them -- get your rear out of there ASAP!

It's only a matter of time before something goes awry and you're in a very undesirable position. And who knows, if they get bored, they might even start looking at you funny....and I say that seriously.

Terminate this babysitting gig at once, if you know what's good for you.

I wonder how commonplace this is. How very sad.

[Pure Myrrh]

jake7484, on Mar 3 2005, 12:06 PM, said:

it depends, if by funny business u mean murder or avodah zorah, then yes i have to stop working for them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

giluy arayos = avoideh zoorah & shfichas dumim

[Nooch]

Mordechai, on Mar 3 2005, 03:20 PM, said:

Talk about disturbing.

I don't care if they're paying you gold bars to babysit for them -- get your rear out of there ASAP!

It's only a matter of time before something goes awry and you're in a very undesirable position. And who knows, if they get bored, they might even start looking at you funny....and I say that seriously.

Terminate this babysitting gig at once, if you know what's good for you.

I wonder how commonplace this is. How very sad.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

While I agree with Mordechai on this one (i think we all do),a word of caution. Terminating this job suddenly, can potentially be dangerous for you. They may get very abusive if they think you will spread this to the outside world. Just make sure you break it in such a way that they dont perceive you as any threat.
Dear Lord this is scary!

[fuzzy]

Leave it up to Brianna, to get into such bizarre situations!!